What a beautiful month we are in. The sun is shining and we can put away the winter clothes again… well, kinda. But, thank you, Universe!
There are a few things that I find very concerning, especially during the time we find ourselves in and it frustrates me that it appears most people seemingly do not understand the massive impact certain actions will inevitably have on our future.
I am no supporter of feminism; I do not agree with any of it. Why would women want to be equal to men anyway? Personally, I love being a woman and I love doing woman-things, and I love having a man that does man-things. Life as it is, is hard enough, why make it any harder by fighting the men we love! And degrading them, disrespecting them and wanting to take their rights away? But what I do support whole-heartedly, is the move against Gender-based violence.
Understand this: “gender” does not mean “women”. It means any violence perpetrated by one gender against another simply because of the gender differences. There are many men that suffer physical and mental abuse at the hands of women, but we don’t know about that because we teach our sons that men don’t cry. That is wrong and should be addressed. I just don’t currently know how to address it and so I will focus on changing that which I know I can change right now – violence against vulnerable women and children.
It is getting out of hand and no amount of education alone is going to change this culture. Because it is a culture and until that is changed, it won’t. At this very moment violence against women and children is at its worst and I put the blame squarely on the shoulders of this government.
The lockdown has forced men and women to stay confined in one house with their children for four months now. Many without an income and continuous daily bombardment by corporate media driving the fear of the “invisible enemy”. Children stuck at home without the stimulation of their peers or the classroom and daily picking up on the frustrations and the fears of their parents. Artisans and physical labourers forced to stay home without work adds to the frustration.
And then. You took away their cigarettes and their alcohol.
You, Dlamini-Zuma, you are to blame. You have wrought this upon your sisters and our children. You will not be forgiven, because forgiveness, like respect, is earned.
And then you have the farm murders, the brutality of these attacks are sad and worrying. What have we become as humans? That is no human act. You do not have to cut someone open to get a cellphone or rape a mother and torture parents in front of their children because you are hungry or need money. If you are hungry, ask. If you need money, ask.
Wouldn’t it be great if the law were different? What if your punishment was the same as the crime you committed? Maybe then people would stop hurting other people and love a little more. Joe has a saying – he has a few, but one in particular, resonates here – “I don’t expect everyone to love everyone. But what if we hated each other just a little less?”
Seeing that it is woman’s month; here is your challenge – take back the responsibility of supporting our men. Take care of them as they take care of you. Stand alongside our men and fight for our rights not as women or as men, but as humans. They need us, and whether you like it or not, we need them too. You cannot fight the men you feel should be protecting you, nor should they fight the women they need to be protecting. Stop playing the victim if something does not go your way and take responsibility for your actions.
This does not mean you deserved that black eye, not at all, it means you need to do something to prevent that. If your partner treats you like trash, leave. Take your stuff and leave before it is too late. If you are in an abusive relationship, speak to someone about it and seek help. Do it secretively if you must – but do it. Seek counselling if you feel you can save the relationship, if you can’t, leave. Your life is your most precious asset and you need to protect it for your own survival. Whatever you do, do not stay “for the kids” because you are not doing them any favours either. Take the kids and leave.
If your neighbours or fellow congregants are going to judge you, let them – they already are, in anyway so why should it matter? And this is relevant to my sisters and our men, equally. Men, we know you can handle a lot, because you do, but when it gets to the point where you feel you just can’t anymore, speak up. If you feel you can’t speak to us, call a buddy, arrange a day at the dam or a weekend in the bush.
Get out of the house for a bit and go do your man-things with the guys. Take it from me, your woman won’t hold it against you – she likely needs the breather too. Communicate. If you are like me, and struggle to put into words what you have on your heart, then write it on a piece of paper and leave it on her pillow. Or send her a WhatsApp, or an email, or send her a song that explains what you’re going through. We should not fight with our partners, but rather for them.
We should have a Partners Month, or Partners Day. But seeing as how we don’t, during this Women’s Month, I want each of you ladies to know that you are incredible and you have done a remarkable job of keeping your shit together during house arrest, without wine, without smokes, without ladies nights and without schools. Keep the lipstick red, the mascara flawless and those heels clicking. P.S. To our teachers, we love you so much it borders on the obscene.
Lots of love
